One would think the best gyms in the US are in Southern California. It’s the land of stars, wannabe stars, actors, wannabe actors, and sunshine practically all year long. Their opinions will change FOMO or without FOMO once that experience Genoa City, Wisconsin.

Genoa City is a microcosm of sorts. It’s a place run by moguls in the cosmetic industry. It’s a town, very much like La-La land where everyone needs to look good.

The place to see and be seen is The Genoa City Athletic Club. It’s a 100-year-old monstrosity, that used to only let in WASP-y men above 50, and now let’s in any race, color, creed, age, and gender who ponies up the $200 a month. Rules were bent because their old school clientele died off, literally.

Yes, it has all of the work out classes and machines one can think of: from basketball to squash with Tai Chi being the favorite. It helped train 70 Gold Medalists. The most serious competitors are found playing water polo. Personal trainers are hit and miss like with any gym. You might find one who is just a meathead and trains you as such or you can pick someone who trains you just for you and your individual body.

On the upper floors is a boutique hotel featuring Superior rooms and suites. Dark, masculine-toned rooms create the illusion that you’re sleeping in the library at the Biltmore Mansion. Being themed it’s not chintzy. It’s a city hotel. Don’t expect resort living.

Gyms have juice and smoothie bars. The Genoa City Athletic Club has five restaurants and bars. Balvenie Scotch sponsors a speakeasy. Members slide their access card through a copy of Charles Darwin’s, “Origins of Species” to open a faux wall that leads up two flights of stairs decorated with pictures of female legends. The bar overlooks whatever skyline Genoa City has to offer while the bartender chops his own ice. Be patient because drinks take a longer than expected. The other pub is the oldest in all of Genoa City. Healthy pints rather than stiff top shelf booze are a nice alternative. An upscale bistro serves as their main casual restaurant. Boysenberry jam is only served with the crepes for brunch. That’s the only tidbit one needs to remember. Elite Kuroge Wagyu serves as the meat in the burger bar on the 7th floor. A tasting menu only room called the Wine Cellar features over 10,000 bottles of the vintage and rare. It’s for the larger rich families of the area who want to brag that they are the Jones’.

Spa is on the 4th and 5th floor. It has all of your therapies and special oil and hot stone massages.

All of these amenities are fine and dandy, but that’s not the reason to pay admission. Call it morally ambiguous or even unethical if you will, but the reason why Genoa City Athletic Club is worthy is because it’s the place to commit a murder and stir up all kinds of drama. It has enough distractions and pomp and circumstance for the onlookers to overlook anything out of the ordinary, and with the member only entrance, it’s as private as you can get.

Genoa City Athletic Club

Genoa City, Wisconsin

ATMOSPHERE: The best looking people of all sorts give the Cheese head state a good name while conducting business of all sorts: personal, physical, spiritual, and unethical.

SERVICE:  Attentive. From the servers to the owner himself, they like to assist because that’s how they eavesdrop on all clients’ affairs.

SOUND LEVEL:  Tranquil. The illusion that one is in some posh New York or London social club is carried out through and through.

RECOMMENDED:  The Ultimate Black Wagyu Hamburger (served in the burger bar)

DRINKS AND WINE:  The Balvenie 50-year-old. They have anything and everything

PRICES: Membership is $200 a month. Food runs anywhere from $30 a plate at the regular restaurants to $400 a person in their Wine Cellar. Booze goes anywhere from $10 a pint to market price.

OPEN: 7 days a week from 7am to 11pm

RESERVATIONS:  Yes